I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
