there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We had sex on a dog bed..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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