sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize