dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
