So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
