my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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