he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
