Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
