And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
