she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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