Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
