He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
