Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She even gives head with a lisp.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
