Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
