before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
