i may or may not be watching the land before time
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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