I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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