I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
