it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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