Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize