omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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