no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
