your parents love me but you hate me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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