did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
