Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i think i scared a bird with my dick
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
