soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
