you traded sex for a burrito?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
