she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
