i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
