Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
