I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
