operation have a gay friend backfired
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
