$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
