I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
