Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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