I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
