It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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