My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
