Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
