Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
