Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
