i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
