the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
