So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
