they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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