Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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