I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
