I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
That was before I lit my hair on fire
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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