please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
