I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
