He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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