He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
