Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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