Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize