During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
