She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
