you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
