no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
