And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
