Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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