You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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