zippers are such a cool invention
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
