don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
