Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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