first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
