I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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