Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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