I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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