Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
