I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
farters have to be the big spoon...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
