It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
