Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
