I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
tell me about the fingering
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