Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
