You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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