5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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