she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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